18 and more likely gay than bi?

I think i am just giving up on fighting the gay away. Its mentally and physically exhausting. I am high functioning autistic so I have social problems with other people. Men in particular give me the most problems. Because I hate most of them. They are rude and put their own gender down for their own gain. I just find it ironic I am sexually interested in what I hate. I used to be a hyper sexual for women. But it doesn't work anymore. I think about having sex with men all the time. Its getting worse to, its more than sex now. I think of cuddling with them, kissing them and being in love with them. I am like that with this man who is 21 and we dated for sometime. I still wanna have sex with him and be with him. But I regress back into my infantile homophobic nature and act like I did when I was 6 years old(My aspergers was worse years ago) But I have been into gay stuff since 12, All it was, was the porn because I kept it secret, But I think women will not make me go up anymore. I blame my aspergers for not letting me find the right girl and being loathing when it comes to homosexuality. But I just find it hard to submit. Gay propaganda is like"embrace the homo" "do not resist" " you will hurt your women in the long run" I am lost and I hate to use this as a crutch.But aspergers makes sexuality seem so foggy and confusing. I don't know what I am gonna do. I am going to college. I should be rolling in women and this just ruins it all.m Whats so dam good about men X men. I find gay sexual acts repulsive yet my mind loves the thought and or doing of it.